A rather nice classification of 8 types of drunkeness from the 1592 is currently stumbling through cyberspace. Eight Kinds of Drunkennes was compiled by Thomas Nashe and they’re all stereotypes that we would recognise today. (I’m usually a Martin drunk 
)
THE EIGHT KINDES OF DRUNKENNES
Thomas Nahse – drunk & disorderly?
Image via Wikipedia
The first is ape drunke; and he leapes, and singes, and hollowes, and danceth for the heavens;
The second is lion drunke; and he flings the pots about the house, calls his hostesse whore, breakes the glasse windowes with his dagger, and is apt to quarrell with anie man that speaks to him;
The third is swine drunke; heavie, lumpish, and sleepie, and cries for a little more drinke, and a fewe more cloathes;
The fourth is sheepe drunk; wise in his conceipt, when he cannot bring foorth a right word;
The fifth is mawdlen drunke; when a fellowe will weepe for kindnes in the midst of ale, and kisse you, saying, “By God, captaine, I love thee. Goe thy wayes; thou dost not thinke so often of me as I doo thee; I would (if it pleased God) I could not love thee as well as I doo;” and then he puts his finger in his eye, and cryes;
The sixt is Martin drunke; when a man is drunke, and drinkes himselfe sober ere he stirre;
The seventh is goate drunke; when, in his drunkennes, he hath no minde but on lecherie;
The eighth is fox drunke–when he is craftie drunke, as manie of the Dutchmen bee, that will never bargaine but when they are drunke.
Naturally, we at YBOD are interested in the classification of drunkeness. And we don’t anything by half measures. In the Boozerlyzer, not only do we get collect subjective measures of drunkeness, blood alcohol and data on speed and coordination, we are also attempting to scientifically classify all possible words for drunkeness, or Pissonyms as we prefer to call them. We have 210 of them and we are in the process of ranking them in order of severity.
Click on the ice cube icon in the games screen and you will be presented with a choice of 6 possible words for drunkeness:
Pick the pissonym closest to your current level of drunkeness.
Pick the most appropriate one four times in a row. We given them a preliminary severity score from 1 to 7 and so we can give you an estimate of your drunkeness. Here are the first few with their scores:
Ankled 4
Arseholed 4
Away with the fairies 6
Badgered 2
Banjaxed 3
Battered 5
Beered up 2
Befuddled 3
Befuggered 4
Bent 2
Bernard Langered 5
Besotted 4
Blacked out 7
bladdered 5
Blasted 5
Blathered 4
Bleezin 6
blind 6
..
..
You can find the rest of the list here. Feel free to add any you think we've forgotten. (I'm adding Ape drunk, Goat drunk, etc right after I finish this.)
But it doesn’t stop there because using the data people provide together with their own personal estimates of drunkeness and their blood alcohol scores we can vastly improve upon this initial classification and produce the world’s first ever scientific classification of Pissonyms. (It’s good to have a dream!)
Meanwhile, I wonder how many of Thomas Nashe’s states Bryony Kimmings went through in her 7 Day Drunk experiment? I’ll let you know after Thursday.
Related articles
- “The Eight Kindes of Drunkennes” (thefix.com)
- Bryony Kimmings: 7 day drunk at Soho Theatre (yourbrainondrugs.net)
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